Successful Communication

Communication with our children changes over time.  Successful communication involves an understanding of their developmental stage, as well as an awareness that communication is as much about what we don’t say as what we do.  It is also as much about listening as it is about speaking.  As a child’s brain develops, so too does their ability to understand more complex issues, regulate their emotions and partake in two-way conversations.

Here are some tips from Parentline to aid in developing positive communication with our kids:

• Empathise with your child and try to relate to how they are feeling.
• Take an interest in what they are saying and in the things that interest them.
• Encourage face to face communication, rather than electronic communication.
• Notice when your child is more open to talking. Sometimes doing a task together such as cooking, going for a walk or a drive can bring about unexpected communication opportunities.
• Allow yourself time to think before responding if needed. This is a great way of modelling thinking before speaking.
• Try not to avoid conflict. Instead, calmly take the lead in addressing it.
• Summarise back to your child what you are hearing. This can help convey that you are listening and offer them a chance to clarify if needed.
• Ask questions and share concerns.
• When your child reaches out, offer your complete attention.

Parentline also reminds us of some common communication mistakes to be aware of:

• Alienating messages: Try to avoid making statements starting with ‘you’. These can be interpreted by the receiver as blaming statements. For example, ‘You’ve upset me’.
• Interrogating: Try to avoid asking lots of closed questions. Where possible, ask open ended questions that offer a chance to share.
• Avoiding: Sharing our thoughts or feelings can limit opportunities to communicate.
• Labelling: Try to avoid judging or assuming your child will think a certain way. This can limit opportunities for sharing of opinions and identity.
• Mind-reading: Try to avoid assuming your child will know your thoughts without explaining them.
• Interruptions and distractions: Try to offer your child your full attention when they are speaking.

Taking the time to develop positive communication can not only enrich our relationship with our kids, but it can also help kids to develop the skills they need to develop their own strong, healthy, and respectful relationships. 

For more information, please visit Communication Tips For Parents | Parentline

Or contact your school counsellors Bron or Ryoko for any further support.